She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
