Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
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Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
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