I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
