I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
