He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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