How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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