she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
