He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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