Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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