I smell stomach acid.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Two words: nipple clamps
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