Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
