im gay
i know
yea but for you.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize