The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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