Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
did i just pee glitter
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
