i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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