Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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