I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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