1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
