so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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