Where did you get a picture of my penis
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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