Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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