I just pynch a tree in the face
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
