Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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