I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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