I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
