How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
