It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
