like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
