Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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