I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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