he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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