You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
