Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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