There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Randomize