he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
