May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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