He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
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I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
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Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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