yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
