sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
