Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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