how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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