the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
