2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
