how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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