on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
