We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My bed smells like the plague
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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