He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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