The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
