I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
