I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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