Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
