Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She told me I should be a condom model.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
