I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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