I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
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I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
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Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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