Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize