I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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