I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I understand Curling. That high.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
