"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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