On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
