What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
