i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
