she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
