my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
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dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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