I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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