sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's never too late to be topless.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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