STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
