Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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