I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
