the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
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I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
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My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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