i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
