i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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