Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
