All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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