I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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