Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
