ugly people sure do ruin things
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
