its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I've blown a few things in my day
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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