Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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